Power of Love

Home Again

kirk — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:06:05 GMT

Michael is back home! His doctor took him off 2 medications and reduced another, I’m very happy about that. Michael’s doing okay – I know I keep saying those words and it might be difficult to decipher what that really means, “okay” is obviously different for him than it is for most of us. He’s feeling better, no fever, no head pain and less tremors, he’s very happy to be home.

People with severe brain injuries battle spasticity, their muscles tighten up like a cramp you would get when you’re swimming, it’s painful and makes functioning very difficult. To help in this battle there are various muscle relaxing drugs and methods, the downside of these drugs is fatigue, drowsiness –they make you feel like you really need a nap and can make your arms and legs feel like they weigh 100 lbs each. Baclofen is one of the most used drugs for this, Michael has a pump in his abdomen that administers baclofen to his spinal cord, this makes for less of the sleepy effect but still gives him the 100 lb arm part – and some of the sleepy part. After a while, maybe a couple weeks or a month the body usually adjusts to this, mostly. So, Michael’s balcofen was increased and he’s adjusting to that now, this means he’s a little less alert and he’s a little slower moving around. Hopefully he’ll get through this quickly as he has before.

Thanks for your care and for your prayers, I appreciate it and he does as well!

Kirk

http://thepoweroflove.us

Michael is coming home

kirk — Mon, 04 May 2009 14:29:41 GMT

I’m going down to bring him home on Wed. Well, we didn’t find the specific reason for his head pain so there is still some un-easiness in this but he’s doing well, not complaining of any pain now for a week or so. They did adjust some of his medications, hopefully this took care of it and I’m happy to see these reduced. The therapists at Rusk were surprised at how well he’s doing, this is good of course, but he has been capable of doing more than the things they were surprised at. So, I’m thankful for the opportunity, therapy and doctor attention he’s had the last couple weeks for sure but there are still some questions lingering.

I know he is very much ready to come home, it will be good for him to be here.

Kirk
Thepoweroflove.us

Michael’s 1st Week at Rusk 2009

kirk — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:00:13 GMT

I spent the weekend with Michael, he’s doing okay. He’s ready to come home but realizes he’s there to get some help. This stuff has to be a pain for him.

He’s only been there a few days so they’re still in the process of adjusting his meds. I’ve read some on a couple of the meds he’s taking and it could be he needs less of a couple or maybe less of one – that can get pretty confusing. He has one for memory, one for alertness, but then he also has a med to cut down on the spasticity. Since the spasticity drug will make him sleepy it’s possible that it will work against something that is supposed to help alertness. He is getting a good workout everyday.

Everything is good – so far so good.

Kirk

Wed May 22, 2009

kirk — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:05:21 GMT

I just called to check on Michael and he's doing good. We took him to Columbia yesterday, got checked in and answered all the usual questions, everything went well. When we were getting ready to leave it seemed he was trying to say something, he was taking deep breaths and pushing sound out - no words just sound. I asked him if he was okay, if he was good with us leaving, if he was comfortable; his response was yes to everything.

We've been through this before, I feel good that we're getting help with things that are bothering him, I feel good that he's at Rusk where everyone is so good at what they do, so caring and Michael responds so well to them. It's all good but it's still difficult to leave him there and come home, 130 miles away. I will try to post here as soon as I get new information - maybe I can sneak some pictures of him in therapy and post them here.

Quick update

kirk — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:11:00 GMT

Well at least I'm hopeful we'll be on the road to Columbia MO - I have to remember to put the MO in there as some have thought I'm talking about the country of Columbia. - we are awaiting approval from Michael's insurance.

Update 4/17/09

kirk — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:40:49 GMT

Christine took Michael to Rusk this morning to get checked out.

His Baclofen pump is working fine, but the doctors would like to admit him for further testing and re-evaluation.

Insurance will have to approve this first. So, if all goes as the doctor is planning, he'll come home now, stay at Christine's and on Monday go back to Rusk. The doctor wants to adjust his meds, this will require him to be there for observation, he also wants him to get a MRI to be sure nothing is up that a CT scan didn't show and have the therapy staff evaluate him.

I don't like that something is wrong, but I always welcome the opportunity for him to stay a while at Rusk, he has made progress while at Rusk that he's never made any other time. Over all, this won't be real convenient and I wish someone could look at him and say "I know what's wrong" and then fix it, but those things aren't very common, so this is not bad news at all. I feel more confident that Michael’s problem will be solved in the care of the doctors at Rusk than I would any other place.

Thanks for your continued care as we continue on – so far so good.

Kirk

thepoweroflove.us

More of Something

kirk — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:43:09 GMT

The pain that Michael had a couple days ago is back. I’m not sure, it would be better said that I don’t have any idea what is wrong, the only thing I know is that I’m tired of him hurting. Pray for his comfort and that those who examine will diagnose the problem and correct it.

Thanks for the concern and prayers, it is much appreciated!

Kirk

thepoweroflove.us

I hope Spring is coming!

kirk — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:54:37 GMT

We had a little excitement today. Michael’s has had something going, he’s been different but I don’t really know what to say other than that. He’s at Christine’s this week and yesterday I went over to get him ready to take him to church with me and he had a bad headache, plus the back of his head was extremely sensitive. He said he felt fine other than that but I was, I am a little concerned .. he has a shunt in the back of his head that is there to drain excess cranial fluid –the shunt is a “just in case” thing, but if his body doesn’t absorb the cranial fast enough then it will create pressure on his brain, this is dangerous. If you heard anything about Natasha Richardson then you are aware that pressure on the brain is very dangerous. So, because of this I was concerned and planned on getting him in to see the doctor that put the shunt in. This morning, Christine said he woke up about 3 and was in obvious pain, said that his head hurt, she called his doctor who said to get him to the ER. So, we did. I always worry about these things. There have been a couple times he’s been admitted “just to check him out” and then he ends up getting sick or falls behind while in the hospital. Plus he just does not like being there.

Michael was not happy about being there today and was worried about being admitted, like I was. He was upset about this so much that he would not confirm that anything hurt, everything was fine. It seemed to me he was answering so he could leave. I talked to him – as I was talking to myself – we agreed to let it go and let God take care of both; the finding out if something is wrong and the fear of a hospital stay.

Well everything worked out, after blood tests, x-rays, CT scan, they said they didn’t see anything wrong and we were released. It does seem something is up, we’ll just have to keep a close eye on things from here. Thanks for checking and thanks for your prayers!

Kirk

Spring is coming!

kirk — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:47:59 GMT

Michael is doing well, he has remained strong and healthy. I'm going to start getting him into his Standing Frame on a regular basis. We haven't gotten him standing regularly for some time now - lots of different reasons and excuses. That's the thing with making progress, there are excuses and reasons, if we don't eliminate the excuses then the reasons make progress very difficult. The Standing Frame supports him so he can stand with all his weight on his legs but it prevents him from falling, it's really a pretty cool device. The weather is changing!! I'm hoping to get him outside more, the nurses will be doing this also, we're lucky to have a nice walking park close to the house when he's with me so he can see birds - that he loves so much - and just get outside. We've been told over and over that stimulation is the best medicine for brain injury- you can't make dead brain cells alive again but you can stimulate live ones and that can do amazing things. Things are going well for Michael at my house or his mom's it's good - God is good.

So you may have heard about Natasha Richardson who feel skiing, the report is now that she is "brain dead". I hope this isn't accurate, that God is with her and steps in for her recovery. I also hope we take note that life can change in an instant. Today we have lots of things we're fighting for, upset about, happy about, things we plan for tomorrow, for next year. For any of us in an instant life can change and all those things that made up our life are suddenly irrelevant. God reminds us of this in James 4 - 15.

James reminds us that in a moment life can change and we can see that every day we live. Romans 8 reminds us that nothing can separate us from the love of Jesus Christ, which is free to us by accepting him.

Life Sucks Sometimes

kirk — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:10:00 GMT

Jesus is my Lord, Master of the Universe - he is God of all and he is my friend but life sucks sometimes. I can also say; Life sucks some times but Jesus is still God, he knows, he cares and he's my friend. Both are true, completely! I don't even think this is a paradox, we just see it as one because we think it should all be good and easy. There is more to a relationship and faith in Jesus Christ than making our life good. The knowledge and trust in Jesus Christ is powerful, it IS life changing, there is nothing in this life that can take away from that and he does "make it all okay". Still, I think sometimes people who are going through stuff or who are sympathetic to others who are going through stuff might even be offended by our Christian version of "Life's Good". One might say that it doesn't make any difference whether Jesus is God or not, it doesn't change my situation, Life still sucks, I still hurt. This is somewhat true, maybe it's kinda the point. We base our life on good and bad a lot. We pretty much categorize everything in life as good and bad, we may justify the bad with "reasons" but we still label it good and bad – black and white. Maybe God can see color where we see only black and white and maybe every shade is a unique opportunity to know him differently.

I’m not making light of pain, not at all. I experience some pain and it hurts, it is real and it doesn’t go away just because I trust God. There are people I love that have some bad stuff in this life, I know they hurt and I hurt with them. I look forward to a day when I can hear my son’s voice and we can talk together. Life sucks sometimes! But, why does this throw us? The Bible is full of example after example of hurt and pain and suffering. Personally I think that God doesn’t get into the things near as much as we do, I do not believe he is nearly as concerned with the things as we are – we can’t see past them, he wants us to see through them to him. We probably more see him in the things and blame him, or we get stuck on why, we’re stuck on the things.

If we will stop focusing on the things, the whys, the hurt, the pain as well as the fun and success and start focusing on Jesus Christ we can have a better, deeper relationship with him. The things will still be the things, at times life you will probably feel “life sucks” but your friend, my friend, who just happens to be, creator of all, Master of the Universe will be right there with you, with me, going through the things with you and with me. Romans 8 is awesome -

Rom 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Life on Mars

kirk — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 03:34:00 GMT

I think we can learn something from the show Life on Mars. If you don’t know the show you should check it out. Sam, a policeman is hit by a car and left in a coma, but then he wakes up in 1973. I’m not sure why the writers picked 1973 but the story is good and can be a picture of life for me, as a follower of Jesus Christ. In the most recent show Sam, the guy in the coma in 2008 makes a step toward “accepting” his situation in 1973. He says that he’s going to start living in 1973 because there are people who are worth it – then he says as long as he’s living there, in 1973 he’ll always be looking for his way home. This is so good for those of us who are looking for another home, not in a different location but a different time. Sam realizes there is a lot to live for right where he is, in his current circumstances, in his current time. It’s interesting that, at that same moment he realizes this, his boss in 1973, calls him friend.

As a Christian there is a lot to look forward to, a lot to hope for in another place and time, there are friends that I miss, one especially that I really would love to see and talk to. We hear the song “I Can Only Imagine” and we can relate, we can only imagine what it will be like to see Jesus, to have no more tears, to finally live as we as humans were intended to live. We will see those who we have lost, to have those who we love whole. I look forward to this, for my son, for my family, for my friend, for others. Still I am here, I am living here and now and there are people all around me here and now, relationships, circumstances - life. Sam sees those people and decides they are worth it. I wonder how many of us can’t see those around us, they aren't woth it.. We’re here in this time and place – whatever this time and place is and there are people all around us to love. I should, we should – as followers of Jesus who are looking to go home – we should live as Jesus lived in the time and place we have. Forget about all the "why" stuff and live today where we are. When we accept where we are God can begin using us where we are.

God is Enough

kirk — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 17:20:57 GMT

I keep coming across this same thing – no, that’s not accurate – I keep crashing into the same thing, and it is “God is Enough”. That says so much but can, and often does, speak so little. Here is my best way to say it;

Imagine everything you ever feared could happen already did happen – Everything! At this point Jesus Christ is still enough and he still loves you and still cares. We just don’t get this! We identify with the Thing we want, the Thing we want to change, someThing is wrong, someThing is bad, someThing we are worried about surfaces and we seek God, and we seek him because of and for that Thing. For many, if God doesn’t address and heal or solve that thing then God isn’t God, for many life becomes waiting on God to heal or solve that Thing, God is God but his timing is just different than theirs. I am crashing again and again into the thought, the principle that God is enough, regardless. Regardless of the Thing and regardless of noThing, regardless of anyThing, Jesus Christ is Lord, he is God.

This can feel like a lack of trust or faith can’t it. I mean if God is God and I ask and believe for some Thing, then he will is faithful, right? I just have to have enough faith, be patient. But here we are again going to the Thing and not to HIM.

Here is what really nailed me on this – Hebrews 11 “The Faith hall of fame”, here is where God brags on some who have had “faith” throughout time

35 Women received their dead raised to life again. Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. 36 Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented—

What gets me here is those who had dead raised to life are in the same place as those who died, those who got the Thing they wanted are in the same place as those who got no Thing, and in God’s description, there is no difference, both are bragged on as having faith. The common component in these IS faith. So, faith cannot be trusting God for some Thing to happen. If we can go here we can quit wasting any energy in “why did he allow this”, why did he do this or that Thing. We can quit wasting energy on “when will God do this Thing?”

My God, Jesus Christ is enough whether the Thing I hope for happens or the Thing I fear happens, whether the Thing is better than both or worse than both. If my faith is “in Jesus” then the Thing is irrelevant. It is not about the circumstance or thing, Jesus is enough regardless!

Good stuff in 2008

kirk — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:28:00 GMT

This has been a good year for me and my family. For Michael, for all of us - we have a lot to be thankful for.

We've gotten some stuff that has made life easier and better.

We've gotten our van converted - this has been awesome, it makes moving Michael much easier and safer, it allows us to do more and there is opportunity to do much more with the van.

We've gotten a lift installed - this is also awesome! We're able to get Michael in and out of bed much easier, much safer and as with the van it allows us to do more and we have the potential to do a lot more with it.

Christine had gotten some help and improvements to her house, she's got a ramp that allows for easier and safer movement outside the house, this has allowed Michael to get out more, she's gotten some help around the house also, it's been good for her.

Michael has been very healthy and he is content. Philipians 4:11 We can all learn a lesson from him here.

I've realized Michael is "okay". This continues to amaze me, really I just don't get it but Michael is good with life, good with God, he is happy. He goes through times where he isn't, he goes through times when he's mad at everything. Michel reluctantly will acknowledge that there are times when he's mad at God but that is for a time and then it's done. Generally I'd say he does better than I do, but this has been and continues to be an amazing lesson to me and teaches me more about my son and my Lord.

I've learned a little bit to just "BE with God". I've learned a little bit to not worry about the past or the future, to not try to figure it all out but to live in this moment here and now. I'm not saying this is 100%, nor do I believe it should be but it is good for me to let it go some times, to realize that I don't know it all and understand it all. Sometimes it doesn't fit, it doesn't make sense to me. This isn't that God doesn't fit, or doesn't make sense, it isn't my LORD who has to change it is me. He is not required to reveal everything to me or to make me understand, I am required to follow and obey him, to trust him. Sometimes I think - oh I see now and I've got it down, then soon I realize - ehh maybe not quite completely as I thought. I can see in the Bible and in my life that God uses processes, he doesn't just "poof" make it happen, he is much more than that. I thank God for what he has shown me and mostly for his patience with me.

Just because it isn't sin, doesn't mean it isn't stupid!

Just because God forgave the sin, doesn't mean he's taking away the consequences!

God isn't magic - God is REAL, more real that what you think you know or think you see.

Obey him, Trust him, BEEEEE with him.

Choices

kirk — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:42:02 GMT

You've probably heard the saying that life is about the choices you make. I think choices play a big part in life. Some times we need to learn to live with the choices we have; I have wasted a lot of time throughout my life complaining about things I don't have or things I do have that I wish I didn't, I was wasting time thinking about things that I can't change, about choices that I don't have instead of the ones I do. Some times we have to learn to live with the choices we've made; the choices we make today will affect our lives tomorrow and beyond, they will likely affect those around us, those who we love the most as well.

The choices that we've made in the past, we should accept and live with them, but we can't undo them, we can't redo them. I have spent a lot of time and effort wishing I had made different choices in the past, feeling guilty about the choices I made in the past instead of living here and now and putting my efforts in making good choices today.

When I worry or complain about the choices I don't have, when I stress over the choices I have already made, I freeze and don't do anything, I try to make up for things I can't change, I think some of this is good, but it can quickly be too much.

The thing I have needed to learn is that all I have is this day here and now, I can't change it, I can't change where it came from but I can make choices today, here and now that are wise, that honor my family that are in obedience to and honoring to my Lord Jesus Christ.

Gaps

kirk — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:41:23 GMT

I don't know about you but I am a Bible believer, yeah I believe what it says to be true, accurate, literal - where the context is literal - I believe it to be inspired and perfect. So, with that I see gaps, there are gaps all over the Bible where God doesn't give us the whole picture. Some might say there are no gaps the missing pieces just haven't been found yet, ahhh - maybe, but I don't think so. I believe God has intentionally left gaps for us to fill and we are to fill those gaps with personal conviction and application. If you think about the the fact that the Bible was written in a different era, a different space and time this fits.

One of the rules I have learned in Bible study is consistency - God makes it fit - The Bible is consistent front to back, if you think you've found an inconsistency, keep looking, God is trying to get your attention to somewhere else. Apparent inconsistencies are like gaps they cause us to think. Hmmm, what is going on here? Or, how come he doesn't just come out and say it?

This idea of intentional gaps is consistent with how God is in life. There are areas of life where God lays the answer out clear, the problem is not knowing the problem may be obeying but it is clear. There are other areas of life where God does not give us specific information, his principles apply but he doesn't tell us exactly what to do - Gaps. We are free within obedience to him, with in trusting and submitting to him, to make choices within those gaps.

In my life this is true, usually I don't like this, I would rather God put the solution, the answer the direction right in front of me so I don't have to decide, I am confident that my deciding will screw things up somewhere. With Michael there are many gaps, should I push him more, should I get this device or aid for him? Should I step in, in areas where I think he's not being cared for at the moment? Should I be quiet and let others make decisions? I have freedom, I also have reasonability - what do I do? I think and re-think, I some times decide, then I re-think (although I try to do less of this one) Maybe our Lord just wants us to do something on our own for him, he wants us to make some of those hard decisions, and the easy ones with him in mind instead of simply telling us what to do.

I pray that you and I will trust God in the gaps, not blame him for leaving us, not do just what we want to do and leave him, but trust him and live in the grace and liberty that he's given us. In these gaps we can freely express our love and trust toward him. We are not dictated exactly what to do, we are free to love him, in the person he made us to be. -Think about that, isn't that the kind of love that you want to receive?

Little hills? Kirk is OLD!

kirk — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:30:23 GMT

We're getting some good use out of the van! Over the weekend Amy and I took Michael for a walk at the Legacy Park trail, it was a little warm but just did about a 20 minute walk, it was really nice. Sunday we went to church, then Michael and I headed for the trail again, it was cooler on Sunday so I thought we'd go for a longer one. I hadn't been on much of the trail at Legacy but I had been told it's really good, there's lots of little hills. Yeah! So, I don't know if I just underestimated how much effort it takes to push a wheelchair up and down a "little hill" or if I'm just Old, way out of shape. It was a pretty good work out. Guess walks with Michael will accomplish 2 things at least.

I want to say thank you to all those who prayed for us with this van thing! This is really a nice dose of freedom for Michael. Now, I have to work on getting his ramp better for nurses to use - it's a little steep, I appreciate your prayers on this one too.

Thanks for stopping by!

Kirk

Measurable Progress

Christine — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:37:17 GMT

Well, Kirk hasn't been good about keeping postings, so I'll update everyone :)

Kirk and Connie were without their van for about six weeks... it was in Detroit being made handicap accessible. They had a special ramp installed, removed some seats and went to a great expense to make sure Michael can be transported safely.

Up to this point, Kirk has always had to go with Michael, as he is the only one of us that can lift him into the van. It is very strenuous on his back and has caused him some pain. Now, with the van converted, Michael can travel without him, as long as there are two adults there (one to drive, the other to attend to Michael).

Kirk and Connie are being very generous with the use of the van. Last night, Nurse Deborah and I took Michael to VBS at my/Michael's church. Michael was excited to go. He used to be very active in helping out at VBS - from working in the kitchen making dinner for all the volunteers, to helping out with the plays backstage.

He seems to be the star of the evening before VBS even started. This is the second time since his accident he has been to his home church (he goes with Kirk and Connie sometimes), so everyone was excited to see him. He had some pizza sauce while Deborah and I ate and later had a group of kids surrounding him.

Nurse Deborah was great with the kids - they were asking all kinds of questions - Why is he in a wheelchair? (He fell and hit his head). Can he talk? (Well, yes, but not like you and I do... his "talker" doesn't work anymore, so he talks with a computer). Can he walk? (No, that's why he has this cool wheelchair.) What is that purple mark on his neck? (It's from a trache. When he was first hurt, he needed help breathing and the doctor's put a tube to his lungs there.)

On and on it went.... When his computer was charged up, he was able to answer questions himself and the kids like the voice it spoke with... It sounds like Gov. Arnold - real deep and monotone.

Michael was very patient with them, but told us later he was a little embarrassed. That comes with the territory, but I think after the kids get used to seeing him, the questions will stop and he will be seen as just a normal young man.

Many of the adults stopped by also to say Hi and shake his hand or get a high-five.

Overall, I think it was a good experience for him. Mom was nervous - I always am when he has a new experience. I'm sure I'll get used to it after a while.

Nurse Amy, who works on Sunday mornings, has agreed to come to church with us. We hope to make it a regular thing on the Sunday's Michael is at my house.

Pictures of Michael at VBS will come shortly

Christine

Through the Storms and In the Storm

kirk — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:16:00 GMT

Last night as the storms were rolling in I prayed that God would protect my family, friends and even their houses, yes I named each specifically and yes, I trusted God for that. This morning, once again I thank him, I praise him that no one was hurt, nothing was damaged, the storms moved their way through around us. I asked God for that protection, but I can not say that I believe I am promised or guaranteed that protection. This is where it can be confusing. I do believe God answers prayer, I do believe prayer moves, even changes the hand of God and I believe it is clear in his word that God desires, even commands us to ask him and to trust him. Look at James 5, especially verse 16, look at the conversation with God and Abraham as God is about to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.

Still, I am sure that somewhere in the storm last night there is at least one person who has committed their life to Jesus Christ but this morning they have storm damage. I am convinced that there is at least one saved, God honoring, Bible believing Christian, without un-confessed sin in Greensburg Kansas or Windsor Colorado where the whole town was wiped out awhile back. There is at least one person in our military killed or captured and imprisoned by enemy forces whose heart is right before God, whose sin is confessed, who has accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I'm sure we all know people who have died or lost it all, and we know their testimony. So, while I do believe God answers my prayer and the prayer of believers, I also believe God reserves the right to do as he wishes. I believe many are confused by this and try to fix their confusion with stuff like this... we'll say, 'God will allow trials but he'll get us through them', or we'll think as long as we do not have un-confessed sin then he'll keep us protected from harm. Well, at least real harm, he'll keep us from the really bad things and get us through everything. Where is the line drawn that separates really bad? What does "get us through it" mean?

What pieces of this life does God count as important (as we do) and guarantee Family, friends, health, happiness? What parts of this world are "what it's all about" to Jesus? Is there any THING in this world that we can claim as protected by God? Who are God's enemies? I believe our confusion comes when we start looking at the things, the circumstances as I read in an excellent blog this morning "we chew on the bread and spit out the God's word"

If I think about the things and the circumstances then I'm stuck with the questions; "how can I trust you for this, this thing", "if I don't know you're going to do it?" "What is it, IT, that you want me to trust you for." But, in this thought and in these questions I'm getting the things ahead of my submission, ahead of my relationship to God. We don't trust him for the things, we trust HIM and give him the things.

For me, when I don't get it or can't figure it out (which seems more often now) I default to obedience and try to not worry about why and what if and all that. God tells me to trust him he tells me to ask, to bring my petitions before him. 1 John 3:22; 5:15. If I am not trusting him I am in sin - so if I try to do it all myself and don't include him I'm in sin. See Romans 14, especially verse 23.

He tells me to submit all that I have and all that I am totally to him. 1 Cor 6:20; Rom 12:1. While these 2 things will, without any doubt they will conflict with each other, they also provide clarity to me, the provide freedom to me and even joy if I really give myself and my request to him.

It does not matter what happens, how bad or good it is, or it seems; getting through doesn't matter, how it comes together doesn't matter, when it's all said and done doesn't matter, what matters is; Jesus Christ my Lord and my friend is here with me No Matter what. Psalm 139, Psalm 56:8

Michael is ok

kirk — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:26:00 GMT

I read a book awhile back, the book was about a man that left a successful writing career to care for a disabled young man named Adam. In the book the author accounts a time when a woman, from a local church, came to visit Adam. The woman looked at Adam, gasped and immediately started rallying everyone around him to pray that God would have mercy on him and heal him. One of the people working with Adam told this woman "Adam is fine, but you're welcome to join him for dinner". There are a few ways to consider in what this woman says as well as how the care-giver responds, I'm not in any way criticizing either. I do see that there is a clear message in this story for ME and those who care about Michael. It could be that this message is pretty much for me. :-)

After reading this book I had a conversation with Michael. I told him the story, he grinned as though he knew something I didn't. I asked "so, would you say that you're fine?" He immediately hit his YES button. I wasn't really surprised with his yes response but I was with the emotion that came with it. I continued and asked him - "so, do you pray that God will heal you, do you want others to pray that?" He hit his Yes button twice. At this point what often seems complex and confusing was simple - I said "so, you're fine but you'd still like to get better?" YES, YES, YES he replied - then he hit yes a few more times.

Some of us are better at being "Okay" than others. Depending on the attitude and context, being "okay" can mean content, satisfied, it can mean lazy to some or maybe even afraid of something. Sometimes it is a risk to not be okay, some times that means stepping out, if we're okay with "being okay" then we might be less likely to be disappointed. There are different ways to view this. In the end I'm proud of Michael's attitude and I need to learn from it. Connie said to me, quite awhile ago before this conversation, she said that it amazed her how content, how happy Michael is. It is pretty remarkable that a young man who has so many limitations can be content with life, especially with the events that got him to where he is. I'm proud of him! I'm also very thankful to God for all that he has done and is doing for Michael.

The message is Michael is fine, he's Okay! Michael's life does not have to be consumed with being healed or even with making progress. I believe there is also a message here reminding us that we don't see things as God does. He sees more, he sees farther that we are capable of seeing. As I think about this I realize Michael isn't that much different from anyone else.

June 2008

kirk — Tue, 20 May 2008 19:41:30 GMT

I guess when the title is a date that means not much is happening - could be a good or bad thing.

Well we're about done with therapy and the Rehab Institute. Michael has made some progress with his head control, with voicing and with his arm movements but it is slow, hopefully we can be consistent with a plan at home and continue the progress.

I still haven't moved on the van cause I'm still hung up on the financial side of it. Some time in the next few weeks we'll be sending it off though and once we get it converted it will be much easier to move Michael and with that he'll be able to get out more often.

We're off to Columbia for a checkup tomorrow. There's a young guy named Justin who was in a car accident, he's in the University Hospital in Columbia. Christine got the info on him, he's going down a similar path to Michael's but it appears his injury wasn't near as bad. Justin Foster is his name, please remember him and his family in your prayers.

Thanks for stopping by,

Kirk

It continues...

kirk — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:10:00 GMT

Updates - Therapy continues. Michael makes quick progress, then it slows down. I wish I knew why that is. We get excited about a new step he's taken and it is so quick and big that it seems he's been there all the time, maybe waiting on us. But then he'll slow down, even back off. It is clear that stimulation makes a huge difference. Stimulation being anything that stimulates the senses.

We have so many things we're trying to do, so much that we want to do but each has it's own road-block. With improving therapy, converting the van continues at the top of the list now, but the dollars are still a roadblock. I'm looking at ways to finance this still.

Over the weekend my sister came over and spent some time with Michael and with Addison - Here's a good example of the love and support we receive. Looking at the pictures, it seems that they all had a really good evening. Thanks, Sally and Mark for being there!! This is a good picture of Addison and Michael.

About the van...

kirk — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:24:45 GMT

So, in my complaining about the cost of converting a van for Michael I didn't give any good information about it. The conversion is about 16,000 and it costs about 1400 to get the van back and forth, where the work will be done. The conversion we're looking at it is rear-entry the company is Freedom Motors in Michigan. There are a few different ways to convert vans and companies that do the converting. I like this one cause it keeps the frame intact and the wheelchair stays in a channel, which will help keep it in place more. With this Michael can also sit facing forward and be up where everyone else is. Some of the conversions for minivans make it difficult or impossible for the wheelchair to face forward, I don't like that for many reasons. One being, Michael never liked sitting sideways when riding in any vehicle.

With a converted van we will be able to travel more safely, I could get tie-downs for the chair now but those cost a few hundred dollars alone. Michael will be more comfortable, in his chair that can recline to different settings for him. You and I can simply scoot side to side to get more comfortable when we're sitting, Michael can't do that. It will also be a big difference in time. Right now it takes a lot of time and effort to get him to the van, move him from the chair to the seat in the van, get him settled and positioned in the seat, then put the chair in the back, get it secured as well as possible. Then when we get somewhere, the process is repeated, as it is when we start back home and when we get home. If the weather is too cold, hot or rainy then he has to sit there in it while we're doing all this. As well, right now, if I'm not around then he can't go. Neither Christine nor Connie could take him anywhere if I'm not there. This will help him to get out more often, also be more comfortable and safe in process.

What do you think?

Kirk

Little More Therapy

kirk — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:33:34 GMT

I heard from Rehab Institute today, guess we have a little bit more therapy coming. Michael has made some real improvements on holding his head up, pretty impressive. I had him sitting up, very straight, in his chair, no strap, not even the thing to rest his head on and he was holding his head really good. As he tired out I put the piece up to keep him from pushing to the right, that helped him enough and he never needed the head-band strap. This is pretty good.

I would like to see him get more help with communicating. He could do so much more for himself if he could communicate better.

We, all of us who care for him, are going to have to communicate better and be more consistent. And, more importantly, I need to realize more and more and more that success and therapy together are in God's hands. The definition of success is ultimately his, not mine.

Thanks for stopping by -

Kirk

Junk

kirk — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 02:37:00 GMT

I guess "Stuff" is better than "Junk". I don't know, I also guess I'm venting a little bit tonight. Michael is hurting right now, something has him in so much pain that he's tight all over, but, of course I don't know what it is. So, I don't know what to do. It's not all that unusual. No matter what one's outlook is on life, what one's relationship with God is, it still is not good to know that your son is suffering and to know that you can't do anything about it.

So, my second thing of junk is the van. One of these days I'll be praising God for the van conversion and all that it will bring to Michael. But, right now I'm just sulking at the cost - 16,000 dollars. That is a lot of money, for us it means a few years of payments. I don't really feel I have a choice, we need it, Michael is stuck at home too much, doesn't get out, to church or just out enough. It's pretty dangerous driving around with the wheelchair in the back, it wouldn't take much of a collision or even an fast stop or sharp turn to put everyone in the van in danger. But, now I'm sulking at the cost. Sulk sulk.

There is a lot I don't know and a lot I don't like. I do know my LORD, my savior is here with us and none of this junk :) is beyond his reach.

Tomorrow I hear from therapy about the plan from here.

Kirk

thanks for stopping by.

Updates

kirk — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 02:08:38 GMT

My friends Steve and Brandie are home and recovering. Both of them were hurt in a motorcycle accident, Brandie and Steve have a lot of fun together, maybe they'll be replacing "riding" with something else - but I'm not sure about that. Both have to take it easy but they are recovering at home.

Garrett Bloom, the boy who was taken with a serious staph infection is also home. I don't have the details, but I hear that Garrett is doing very well, he went home last week.

Thanks to God for hearing our prayer and allowing recovery.

Michael is continuing with therapy. The therapists at Rehab Institute are awesome caring people, I'm looking forward to some real progress, God willing, for Michael.

Thanks for stopping by,

Kirk