Thanks for the comments!! For anyone who might have read any of her wise comments, Laura is my niece. Laura, you have impressed me many times with your wisdom and insight - thanks!
I wish I could really communicate with him, I wish I knew, really knew what he's thinking. As I've commented before, I realize this wish is shared by most parents. He gives me some information but I still have to guess with a lot of it. We've been cautioned from the beginning to avoid stirring up thoughts of things that he might not even remember. The lack of communication will prevent anyone from helping him through it. Still I'm certain there are things he remembers now that he is wondering about. I'm certain some of those thoughts could have a lot to do with motivation now. I ask for your prayers for God's guidance and direction in all this.
So, Michael is keeping up with his agreement that he can progress without therapy. - No, I'm not going to keep him out of therapy! - The last week he has done progressively better at nodding his head for a yes. He's pretty quick about it too. We're still working on "No". I asked him what he would do if he wanted to say no, it would be difficult for someone watching to know the difference in a Yes 'head nod' and a No 'head shake'. But, I think we'll get there pretty quick, he's doing well with it.
I gave him about a 1/4 spoon of yogurt, he did very good with that too. I helped a little bit but he was able to get his mouth open for it. We have to be careful with this since we don't know for sure what his swallowing strength is. With the little bit I gave him his swallow was quick and strong.
We went for a walk on Saturday. Our neighborhood has a little walking trail, so we went along it, he looked as though he was sleeping most of the way. He did open his eyes to look up at some birds for a couple minutes.
I found that his vision isn't perfect and his nurse confirmed the same thing yesterday. I had him about 15 feet away from the TV and asked if he could see it, his response was no. So, I moved him closer and he responded that he could see it. We put on a show that he likes and I caught a few smiles, he said he was in his Happy Place. :-) Some times that is all that matters, just that very moment and being in a happy place.
Psalms 69:13 But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
I don't put as much out here as I used to, I just don't know who is reading.
Michael seems to be in an off time. Or, maybe he just doesn't like the therapy he's been getting. I got a call from Mid-America this week, the Therapist said they would like to stop Michael's speech therapy for awhile, he's just not participating.
Our situation here isn't a lot different from what most parents struggle with. We want the best for our kids, Yes - to any teens reading we really do. We don't necessarily have all the answers but we want and we work and search for what we can do that's best for our kids. Do we push them harder? Do we give them more resources? Do we allow them more space so they can push themselves? Do we get involved with teachers, employers, friends to make things happen or see that the right things are happening? Are we sure we know what the right things are? I think every parent deals with these questions and others like them. When things are going in a way that we consider "right" or at least "acceptable" most of us probably figure we're handling those questions in the right way and we probably just continue on in that way. When there are issues or problems, most of us probably question what we are doing, no matter what it is. Some of us include our trust in God with these struggles. We give up and leave it to him, we do the best we can with what we have and allow, or hope, that he'll do the rest.
For Michael this has always been a struggle. Don't get that wrong, he's been a good kid, a very good kid. He's respectful of his parents and other authorities, he's kind and caring, he puts effort in things - in his way. But there are things, areas he has struggled with, well I guess since 1st grade or so. In many ways, what he's going through now is the same thing he always has. [There's probably a good message there] His mom and I have often asked each other, friends, pastors, teachers and family "What should we do" I'm certain, in the last 10 years or so, the one thing I've prayed for more than anything else is just that "Lord, what do I do?" What can I do to help my son? What can I do to be the best influence, the best dad I can be? Again, this current situation isn't completely different than what we've been in before. Some have said that Michael is a little slow, he was diagnosed with ADD in 2nd or 3rd grade. I really don't know about that, there are some things that he's gotten faster than others. Whatever the reason, he has struggled with school work. One conclusion of all this seems consistent, Michael must do things his way. As a dad I come to that and think "that's rebellious" "You have to learn to do things the way every one else does them." "You have to do things the way they are supposed to be done." "There is a reason for rules and methods." Blah blah blah. No doubt there is some truth to that! It's much easier to learn something if you can learn it within a system, with other people all learning together. But, Michael has never done well with this system. He's never been outright stubborn, he would never say to my face, I'm not going to do that. I honestly don't know if he decides in himself that he's not doing what everyone else does or if for some reason he can't. The thing is if you see Michael in his element, when he can do things his way, play his game; he's quite a different kid.
Conclusion time here - I wish I had understood this 3 or 4 years ago and I wish I knew how to give him the ability to do things in his way. Okay, after reading that I know some are going to jump to "you can't blame yourself Kirk" well, first, yes I can LOL and second he's my son I am responsible for him. But, I do know that he makes his own decisions, I don't swim in guilt or consume myself with thoughts of "what if I had....." Yesterday is only there to learn from and we have a forgiving, merciful God.!!! Michael has made his own decisions, for a long time now. He makes them and has probably been frustrated with them, I'm sure he's felt helpless in them at times. To put all that stuff into what's going on today; Michael doesn't like or participate in his therapy at all, so he checks out. Sound familiar Mrs.. K , Mrs.. Ridnour? He's back! :-)
In therapy, he doesn't like answering questions about how he feels or what his birthday is. Do they not challenge him? He doesn't like this method of therapy so he simply checks out. As I said this isn't all together different. The interesting thing is, at Rusk, Michael didn't check out, he was relentless. He would be groaning in pain but if you asked if he was ready to stop he'd say NO! He would go on for hours, I mean literally hours trying to talk, to voice. He wore me out with it. He was completely relentless! If you asked him, Do you believe you're going to get better, he would quickly respond with a yes. He put total effort in everything. For whatever reason, that's changed, the Michael that we are familiar with is back. He seems unmotivated, he seems not to care - just as he has before. Maybe it's not Michael!? I don't think it's Michael that's missing something, I think it's us.
Conclusion: I ask for your prayers for wisdom and direction. Direction to know where to go and wisdom to know what to do when we get there. Not unlike a prayer that any parent has.
We move a little closer to being ready for Michael to move. This weekend some good friends helped me get the deck or maybe I should really say "porch" built outside his room. It all went very well, I still have the railing left to do and there will be a ramp and steps going off to the left - we're getting there.
Thanks Jay and Mark for giving me your Saturday!! I continue to get by and then some, with a lots a help from my friends!
Michael is facing much the same thing many of us face in our lives - lack of motivation. Till recently he had shown more motivation, more determination than I had ever seen in him, it has seemed as though God had given him something much more to deal with these circumstances. It's very difficult to know what to do to help him or even to really know what the problem is! It's the same for all of us, it just seems more crucial for him. All of us have those things that we know we need to be doing, something that just takes more than we have - at the moment we need to have it. Please pray for him! The thing is, if I stay where I am today, if I don't find the motivation to grow, to improve then I will - stay as I am. Some say if you're not getting better you're getting worse, if you're not going forward you're going backward. For Michael that is true, if he's not getting better then he will be getting worse, if he stays where he is then he'll never talk or eat or get up out of bed.
I do appreciate your prayers and support! I'm going to be working on the deck / ramp from his room this weekend, pray for that as well. LOL!
Thanks for checking in!